A friend called last night and asked what she could do to reach out to a friend who had just lost her third child through miscarriage. We looked online and found a "HOPE" bracelet for her. I also recommended the books, "Born to Fly: An Infant's Journey to God", and "Silent Grief". Also, my husband bought me a precious feet pendant as my gift of remembrance. As I layed in bed last night though, I couldn't get her out of my mind. I wanted to write to her and encourage her in some way. I don't even know her name, so I kept the letter anonymous (me and her). If any of you ever have need of this note...feel free to use it as well.
Some verses that I have thought of too...Psalm 113:9, Psalm 30:5 (last half)...there were a couple more, but they are not as "pertinent"...they would have to be used with great sensitivity and at the right time from the right person...or they would not be encouraging. So, be very sensitive about this subject. Pray, pray, pray about your words. Me. I guess I was pretty willing to just talk about it. Others, they're not as ready to spill their heart. Si, anyways, the letter:
2.3.09 11PM
Dear One~
My heart goes out to you. I have been in your place and God has brought much healing in to my life. Part of my healing was through the tenderheartedness of those around me. Some were people I barely knew. They shared with me the stories of their babies and how others had helped them through the mourning.
You are not alone. I lost my Jacob at nearly 12 weeks. that Friday, my husband and I went garage-saling. We found a Kutless CD to buy. After we got in the car and decided to listen to it we realized that while it was still a Kutless CD it was not the one that matched the case. It had the song, "You are my strong tower. Shelter over me. Beautiful and mighty. Everlasting King..." I'm not sure if we even got far enough into the CD to listen to that particular song, but that night as I was miscarrying God brought that song to mind. The song played over and over in my mind. I even had my husband go and get it from the car. I knew God had a plan, how else would I have that song in my mind? I didn't like the plan, but I knew He was there with the plan. That is a bit of my story. When the time is right--you too may feel the need/desire/prodding to share your story. It may help in your healing and the healing of those around you.
It is OK to mourn. Maybe you do sometimes and then don't even think of your babies at other times. That's OK too. My mourning resided as the weeks went by, but six months later when Jacob's due date was coming up and I was still going to work, I had another period of mourning. Everyone around me seemed to have forgotten that my dream of motherhood was supposed to come true that particular month. Those around you may not realize that you need an ear or a shoulder. Be brave, seek out a trusted friend, your husband, the person who gave you this letter, GOD! They love you!! They want to be there for you, they just don't always know how.
Everybody's different. You may read this and think, "That's not how I feel." "What is this lady talking about?" If that is the case, that's OK too. These are just some of the things that helped me.
I pray that someday soon you too will be able to dance again. I pray that you will be able to experience the joy of motherhood.
God Bless You, Dear One!
~a
3 comments:
That is a beautiful letter. I still can't even imagine going through that. :( One good thing is that now God can use you to help others who are going through the same thing. That is one of the good things I have found through the loss of my Mom. Not many people my age have lost their mothers yet, but when the time comes... I can do my best to be an encouragement and a light in such a difficult and dark situation.
From Dan Doriani’s article about dealing with grief in light of a miscarriage:
Indeed, in times of distress we must recall that our Lord indeed reigns, but unwanted counsel has a fatal flaw: it interprets someone’s experience before they even know what that experience is. Like steak in the mouth of an infant, it chokes.
http://anerissara.blogspot.com/2010/10/kind-of-fatih-that-breaks-heart.html
Another story...
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